NEW ORLEANS – Do you love New Orleans? Do you consider yourself a “local?” If not, do you want to act like one?

Well then, Vogue magazine has the perfect thing for you – a new article called “Beyond the French Quarter: Experiencing New Orleans Like a Local.”

And how does a local experience the French Quarter, according to Vogue?

In only two ways: “…first, to try the iconic beignets at Café du Monde (but only after a night at the bar, so as to avoid the overwhelming daytime lines); and second, to shop for sunglasses at the beautiful Royal Street store of Krewe…”

Otherwise, Vogue encourages visitors to venture out beyond the confines of the French Quarter, to new and authentic experiences like N7, a restaurant that only serves the fanciest of canned food on its exclusively “can-to-table” menu.

Nothing screams “authentic New Orleans” like canned “lobster rillettes from France or Portuguese spicy-ragout calamari,” according to Vogue.

The article does touch on a real New Orleans local favorite in the next entry, though, when Parkway Tavern in Mid-City received a somewhat less-than-glowing recommendation.

The best thing about Parkway, according to Vogue? It’s on the way to the airport, so you can get “nice and carbo-loaded for the flight home.”

And don’t stress about trying to find street food and events during July and August, since “you’re sure to find a crawfish boil, parade, or ‘second line’ funeral or wedding celebration on any given street.”

All locals know how popular crawfish boils in August are, right?

The article rounds out the “like a local” experience by recommending visitors avoid Mardi Gras altogether in favor of “more authentic local festivals” like the Bayou Country Superfest, which has never been held in New Orleans before and will make its local debut this year.

There are many ways to experience New Orleans like a local. Most of them, however, do not appear in this article.